This loneliness dressed up as indifference is not appealing.  Not to me, the perpetrator, and I'm certain not to people on the receiving end of my small cruelties.  But in cases like this my feelings don't know how to manifest themselves otherwise.  There's no alternative course to take here. Endless cheerfulness was exhausting, and wasn't doing anything to change the situation, and now I'm left drained of optimism and need to focus my attention elsewhere anyway.

So, the loneliness pervades even as the fog that signals the end of spring in this maritime climate rolls in.  A chilly summer ahead, no doubt.  And all I can do is scour myself red in the shower each morning, and bite my tongue at night.